Wilton's, Jermyn Street, St James's

With apologies for the delay since the last review - posted some months ago - which was caused by the demands of a busy shooting season and occasional trips to France, Mr Oil and Mr Vinegar recount their annual trip to Wilton’s for early oysters and grouse.


MrO: How many years have we been doing the oysters and grouse lunch at Wilton’s?

MrV: Too many, I suspect. I hope you’re not going to talk about the same old things.

MrO: No, I was going to chat about the summer in Provence, but as you’ve raised the past it does inspire one or two entertaining memories.

MrV: Oh, God, which ones?

MrO: Well, I was thinking in particular about the time you exposed yourself to all the customers.

MrV: Gaagghh! I thought I’d forgotten that. But I did not expose myself to them all – only a select few.

MrO: Lord King and Lord Saatchi were among them.

MrV: I have no idea if they noticed.

MrO: How refreshingly honest of you – quite unlike your usual boastfulness.

MrV: It was mostly your fault. If you’d remembered to book the table in good time we wouldn’t have been sitting at those low tables at the front, and my lap would have been hidden under a proper table.

MrO: If you’d taken more care of your clothing your flies would not have been wide open. Likewise if you’d been wearing suitable underwear.

MrV: The waiter bears a bit of the blame. He was serving me in the full knowledge that my private parts were in plain view. I could have thumped him when I asked why he’d said nothing and he replied “Because I thought Sir wished it that way.”

MrO: It was funny, though.

MrV: Yes, you laughed like a drain. You seem to delight in the misfortunes of others.

MrO: And you don’t? I recall you going blue in the face with laughter on the day that Bendor Drummond threw the cheese at the Frenchmen in Wilton’s.

MrV: That was different. They were French. Anyway, what made me laugh most was when the Frogs complained to Jimmy Marks [a famous past manager] and he said “That there’s Mr Bendor Drummond, and he’s allowed to throw cheese.

MrO: We seem to have strayed somewhat from the point. What did you think of the oysters this year?

MrV: Excellent.

MrO: And the grouse?

MrV: Wonderful.

MrO: Was my choice of the Chateau Palmer 1990 suitable?

MrV: Eminently.

Mr Oil and Mr Vinegar consumed helpings of oysters and grouse at an estimated combined cost of about £130 and some white wine by the glass at a forgotten price, but washed down with a Chateau Palmer 1990, costing £650.


Wilton's

55 Jermyn street

London SW1Y 6LX

Tel +44 (0) 207 629 9955

www.wiltons.co.uk